Free Falling Into Darkness

Have you ever experienced a free fall? I’m not talking about sky diving, I’m talking about dropping down in total darkness where you can’t see the bottom. Sometimes I think life is like that, if we don’t make the effort to see, we don’t know where were going.

Like I mentioned in my post: If you heard the Truth, would you believe it? How much can you really see of your world if you exist in an infinite universe and you only have five senses that really aren’t even tuned that well?

Back about 33 years ago when I was 19 I went for a visit to Yosemite park with a couple of friends and two of my cousins. We decided the thing to do was to try and score some wine, and then find a pretty spot to drink it. None of us were of legal drinking age, thus we needed a buyer to help us out. Our luck was good that day. The third person to pass us by was a young longhaired man and his female companion. The perfect mark, I thought, and I wasn’t disappointed. I handed him our money and asked him to get us a gallon of Gallo Blush.

We drove into the park with the underlying joy of anticipating what was to come. The view in the valley added to the sense of adventure and expectation. The towering vista of Half-dome drew us like a magnet and we parked in the lot that offered access to the falls. We decided to take a blanket and hike part way up the trail and find a good spot for our party. It was a very enjoyable afternoon, passing the jug around, each partaking to their fill, some taking more then others. We had a lunch of Italian sausage and French bread along with some cheese and crackers. It was a wonderful afternoon party.

The problem with fall is that the days are very short. Somehow, in the stupor that was starting to take over me, I sensed a chill developing in the air. I realized darkness would soon be on us. We had no flashlight, and I didn’t think we were prepared to spend the night.

My friend S. was in no condition to stand up, let alone navigate the trail back to the parking lot. It was decided that I would go back to the parking lot with my female cousin and the other two guys would stay with S. until he sobered up enough to get back down.

Once back at the parking lot I decided I would take a flashlight up to the guys as it was getting increasingly darker. When I got there I found S. singing ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. He was laying on his back and the other two guys were attempting to slide him down the trail while he sang his song. It looked like they had the situation under control so I handed them the flashlight and I headed back down.

By this time the darkness had fully descended. At first I didn’t notice, it must have been the wine I drank, it took away my power to pay attention to critical details. I cautiously moved forward a few more yards down the trail. Towering trees and thick under brush surrounded me. It was totally dark, I mean really dark. I put my hand up in front of my face, nothing! I couldn’t even see my fingers.

I should have panicked, but the alcohol impaired my judgment. I thought about going back to the guys with the flashlight, but I inched along somewhat cautiously. The darkness was so complete that I did not have a trail to follow. I could still hear the drunken revelry up behind me. It wasn’t much further to go, and I was sure to be there momentarily.

I moved forward like a blind man, feeling my way for obstacles. I knew the direction the parking lot was in, so I let my radar guide me. Unfortunately my radar took me right to a large rock out cropping. I moved towards the right, more rocks. I tried moving to the left, the same thing. My way seemed to be blocked by a wall of rocks. I must have gotten off the trail. That fact didn’t change anything. My eyes were becoming accustomed to the darkness, but still I could barely see my hand in front of my face. I had no idea where the trail was, or where I had veered off of it.

I took stock of the situation and determined the rocks in front of me were just a small pile of boulders I could crawl over. Not a problem.

I got on top of the boulder in front of me and slowly started going down the other side. I had my feet first, and hoped to find something solid to rest them on. Nothing at first, so I edged a little further down. Not being able to see turned out to be a real handicap

I had to edge a little further, still nothing to plant my feet on. Okay, maybe just a little more, how far can it be? Now I had a problem. I had my body so far down the side of the rock there was no way I could pull myself back up. I pictured in my mind that my feet were just two inches off the ground. I couldn’t see the ground, but I was sure I would laugh if I could see how close I was to touching it.

I went ahead and extended my body fully, hanging only by my fingertips. I completely expected that my feet would surely touch the ground then. They didn’t. Now what was I going to do? I seemed to have only two choices. Hang there by my fingers until it was light and then let go, or let go now. Since I couldn’t feasibly hang there all night, I did the only thing any drunken person would have done, I let go.

I had honestly expected to drop just an inch or two. I think I must have entered a different dimension for those few moments that I was falling in complete darkness. My heart jumped up into my throat and for an instant the darkness was all I knew, and all I could feel. That sobered me up quick.

I landed in a heap among an uneven bed of small rocks. I lay there for a minute trying to grasp the magnitude of what I had just done. Was I crazy? That had to be the most stupid thing I had ever done. I did a mental body check. Everything seemed to be in one piece. My left ankle, which took the brunt of the fall, was a little sore, but nothing serious.

I got up on all fours and crawled along for a little bit. I told myself I would never do that again. I had been lucky that time. I just wanted to get back to the parking lot. I couldn’t hear the sound of the drunken party any more, but I knew I was very close to the parking lot; I had to be.

I got back up on my two feet and once again assumed the blind man’s position. I knew now that the trail had eluded me. If I wanted to get back I would have to rely completely on my sense of direction. I sensed the parking lot was near at hand as I carefully moved forward. I forgot about the close call I had with the boulders and felt assured I’d be back at the parking lot in just a few more steps.

Well maybe more then just a few. I kept moving forward slowly, but still no clear sign of the parking lot. How could that be? I’d been walking for a lot more than five minutes, and it took less than that to deliver the flashlight. I must really be going the long way.

Suddenly my blind man stance warned me that I was confronting another large boulder. I would have gone around it, but blocking me was another boulder. I tried going around it from the other side but once again I was surround by boulders. This time I couldn’t go back. Even if I could find the way back, I would be faced with that boulder wall I had been forced to climb/fall down.

I didn’t seem to have a choice, so I climbed up on the boulder. It turned out to be bigger then the last one. It was probably four or five feet tall. When I got to the top I felt around all sides of it, looking for another rock or something I could climb down on to. There was nothing there, so I started to lower myself once again down the backside of the boulder.

Once again I found myself stretching my body out trying to find a footing in the darkness. Didn’t I just swear I’d never do this again? I was hanging by my fingertips once again; completely unable to pull myself back up.

I hung there for a while to wallow in my stupidity. My fingers were waiting for the command to let go; what other choice did I have? I took a deep breath and relaxed the grip my fingers had on the rock.

Free falling into darkness.

I heard the wind rush by my ears, but all around me was darkness and I had no idea when I would reach solid ground. It seemed like an eternity; there was no way to brace myself for what was to come.

I hit the hard ground with a hard thud, a tangled mass of legs and arms. I groaned as I lay there, my left ankle throbbed in pain. The contemplation of what I had just done brought shear terror to the core of my being. Why was I still alive? I somehow felt that I stood at the edge of deaths door and stopped short of walking in. Not that my injuries were life threatening, but what I had just done could have easily taken me beyond the threshold of life.

I took stock of my condition and determined my ankle was the only serious injury. I doubt I could stand on it, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t want to stand up. The rest of the journey would be made on all fours. There weren’t going to be any more chances taken, and for certain sure, no more rocks were going to be climbed.

I had to struggle to keep the tears from falling as I crawled along the forest floor. All I wanted to do was be back at the parking lot.

That night I learned how dangerous it can be to try to navigate when I am not fully aware of my surroundings.